Tuesday, May 31, 2011

I have an appointment for 3:20.

My mom made me an appointment with my doctor today. I kind of really hate the doctor's.. I just don't like people pushing and poking and shoving things down my throat, in my ears, in my left arm... Just a fear of mine, doctor visits. Same with the dentist. It's kinda childish, but whatever.
At the same time, I am kind of relieved because I finally get to figure out what's wrong with me. My body has been all whack lately. I threw up at school like four times today.. It was not fun. And I have felt nauseated for like a week now. I just want to know what's up. Today probably would have been an awesome day at school if I hadn't felt like dying. I haven't had fun at school for a long time. But my friends sure do make me smile a lot. :) I love you guys. It means a lot to me when you ask if I'm okay and try and make me laugh. I'm pretty darn lucky to have such great friends.

Monday, May 30, 2011

It's late...

I don't know why I'm on the computer at 11:00 pm. I have no reason. I just don't feel like going to bed, I guess.
There is a lot on my mind.
But I'm too lazy to type it all up. Hah.
But I wanna write something...
OK, here is a piece of my brain right now:
I'm kinda hurt. When I told my friend that a kid and I like eachother, the very first thing she says is "DON'T GO OUT WITH HIM." Duh, I'm not stupid... I know my standards and I intend to keep them... It's sort of insulting that she thinks I would do that. Sheesh.
Am I really that suspicious to her? It makes me sad.

Sunday, May 29, 2011

I've been thinking.

I was staring out the window when a thought occured to me: I could die tomorrow. It's not that I plan on doing anything dangerous, it's just anything could happen. I don't know where the thought came from, but I just guess one kind of led to another. I have actually had this thought before, about death. But today I felt like if I died tomorrow, it would be okay, you know? Death isn't really a bad thing, if you think about it.

The socks I am currently wearing.

The socks I am currently wearing are black. Boring old black ankle socks. But you know what they remind me of? A memory: In 7th grade, I sat next to Daxton Starkey in health. I remember one day he leaned over to me and whispered all excitedly,
 "Sabrina! Guess what!"
"I'm wearing my church socks!"
and he lifted up his pants a little bit so I could see his black church socks. He thought he was a rebel. I thought it was hilarious. Now I can't see or wear black socks without thinking of this little moment in time and smiling to myself. I love how things can connect like that.

Saturday, May 28, 2011

My fingernails are bright orange.

Life is awesome. I guess I needed some stupid times to realize how good my life really is. I have the greatest friends, the greatest family... dang, life is good.

Things that made today great: (I like lists)
- First thing I did this morning was sit on the roof with some pineapple, listening to Local Natives on my CD player. The sun was shining and the trees were green and I felt super super happy :) I love the roof, you can see just everything. 
- My nails are painted bright orange. I feel like I have mini traffic cones on my fingertips.
- I hung out with Karly aka the greatest person on the earth. She has a giant (GIANT) teddy bear that I snuggled with. And we had snowcones. In the rain. :D
- I'm wore my "doubt not, fear not" bracelet I got in seminary for lettering. It somehow just made everything more awesome.
- A movie preveiw said "In some of the wildest places on earth..." and Megan said, "Yeah, like The Wild?" I laughed my butt off.
- I wasn't on the computer all day
- Didn't feel sick at all today
- The lady at Cold Stone complimented my shirt. Said it was the coolest shirt she'd ever seen. Thank you, Amanda, for giving it to me for Christmas. It is the most awesome DI shirt ever.
- I took a SUPER long shower. My hair smells awesome.
- Slept in till about 1:00 pm :)
- I got the hiccups
- Found thee sickest most comfortable couch in the world at the DI today. I'm going to go back and buy it. (I love the DI, if you didn't know.)
- Had a banana mango smoothie. Why are smoothies so dang good?
- Saw the stupidest movie ever. It was fun to make fun of later. 

Man, I love today. 

Friday, May 27, 2011

"AWE EHF." -Amanda the Scary

Hi. All my posts are complaints. (Besides the turtle. He's cute. :3)
So I thought I would bring some good news :D
I am drawing a panda. (Which are also cute :3)
An awesome panda.
With my 48 crayons.
I'm using every. Single. Color. In. Thebox.
Even white.
It's going to be awesome.
I'm happy :)

PS, Amanda isn't actually scary. Kresten just thinks she is. Although she will unexpectedly quack in your face. But that's not even scary, that's just funny..

Here It Is.

Hey. I feel kinda bad. 
So I'm blogging about it. 
I don't know why I decided to blog about it, but I guess I need an output. 

Here It Is Part 1: I don't know what to think.
It's like I can't think enough. I can't make descisions, I can't focus, I can't fix things, I don't even feel like coloring... I don't feel like myself lately at all. 
I'm all run-down and tired all the time now, ever since Monday. I threw up at school twice today, I almost cried for no reason, I felt like I was going to pass out, I fell asleep in class for the first time ever, and I never want to eat anymore.. I'm a mess. 

Here It Is Part 2: I hate eating now. 
Ever since Monday, I hate eating. I wish I didn't have to do it, and I know how ungrateful that sounds, but I just don't feel good after I eat. Nothing tastes good, not even Fruit Roll-Ups, and those are my favorite. I just want to get better.

Here It Is Part 3: I need some fun.
Summer is almost here and it's the end of the school year and usually I would be having the time of my life. But I'm stuck in bed with my stomach killing me, exerting all my energy to not throwing up. Which is not fun. I need my friends, I need some games, and I need to be doing anything but lay here.

Here It Is Part 4: Number 15.
He makes me smile when I'm sad. (Even if he doesn't know I'm sad. Or that I've smiled.)

Here it is Part 5: A kid.
There is this kid (hence, the title). He's funny, and he makes me smile (hence, Here It Is Part 4). I think he might like me (hence, his blog). I don't know what I feel (hence, my blog). We need to hang out more (I can't think of a "hence" for this one).
And therefore, I feel bad. I can't tell him anything cause I'm unsure about everything. Maybe when I'm less sick, I'll be able to think clearly. 

I guess blogging is for people who hold everything in, hm? 

Only thee cutest baby turtle ever...


I'm feeling it, all the way down to my toes.

Thursday, May 26, 2011

Let the pointless blogging begin.

My brain < working. That equation makes noooo sense.. I don't think it's even an equation. Anywho.
I feel like being very very very negative right now. Just to be controversial. So here is me, being stupid, confessing most everything.

- Rosetta Stone (Congrats, you made top of the list.)
- Lack of sleep (You suck.)
- Being shy at times
- Lack of confidence
- Lack of interest in food (I especially loath you.)
- Lacking things
- Confusion
- Feeling nauseated. (Which is most of the time now. Don't know why. Started Monday, now it won't stop.)
- Parents not trusting me (It's insulting, to be frank.)

I went out for a walk one night. Took some Kool-aid, & my journal.. went out the door, it was gorgeous outside. Prayed pretty much the whole time, thanking God for the beautiful world. Over all, a very nice, spiritual, cleansing expirience. But when I got home, I was basically interrogated. 
Sabrina, do you have a boyfriend? 
Haha, no. (Of course I'm gonna smile. Can't help it.) 
That's exactly what Amanda said at your age, with the same look on her face. 
Well, I'm not Amanda, dad. I promise, I was just taking a walk all by myself.
In the dark? 
Yeah, it was really nice outside.
(I sounded really guilty, and I know it. I'm a good girl, mom and dad, you know that.)
- Sounding guilty when I'm not. Hah.
- Making my parents sound like bad people... They're not, I promise. They just love me too much.
- Not knowing what to say, or think, or do..
- Feeling lonely at times
- Being told I'm wrong when I already know I am
- Feeling like ;aksdjf;alkdfj;alksfjda;lksdfj. <-- that.
- Overanalyzing things
- This computer
- Bad dreams
- Throwing up
- Crying at the drop of a hat
- Realizing how long this list is getting
- Making my life sound miserable.. The good stuff far outweighs the bad stuff. (I'm being stupid right now, remember?)
- Remembering that Cameron wants to read this... Hi, Cameron.

(Maybe I'll finish later. I'm going to bed.)