Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Hola. Hello. No, you say hola. ..Hola.

Hola. Um. I just don't know what do to with myself. I kinda just want to go back to girl's camp and stay there forever. But at the same time I would get sick of that really fast. Just alsksa;dfj. Conflicted. Jealous. Sort of. I guess. At all. Really. Why am I still typing. I dunno. I just. Bleh. I can't talk. AKLDF;ADSK's not the same in all caps. 

Intercom: *Attention bloggers; Please remember that the explanation of this blog is "a blog in which I ATTEMPT to explain myself." Thank you. And have a nice day*

Oh hey, I got sumfin ta tell ya.

So tomorrow I'm gonna sing for real people in real life! I am going to make myself do it. I am pretty FLIPEENG excited. But I'm scared. I have butterflies. Hah it's not even time to do it yet, and I have them. I'm gonna be shaking and stuff. I don't sound good when I'm shaky and scared, I've done it before. But I don't really care anymore.

Some wise words:

"Suck it up." -Sharona from Monk
"Be a man!" -Bro. Shamy from Seminary
"Be a man!" - only it's Shang from Mulan who said sang it that time.
"Don't be ridiculous." - Balky from Perfect Strangers

as;dlkfja;lskdjfboredasdfja;lOh yeah, I was going to go to Karly's house. Bye.

She has hair like a boy but she's a girl = Karly.

Friday, June 24, 2011

I am smiling.

My heart is just so darn fulla love right now :) I've been at Girls Camps all week and it is exactly what I needed :) I have 44 friends now, Some old, some new :) And I'm sorry if it's bothering you that I'm putting a smile in stead of a period at the end of each sentence :) But I am so happy :) Bore my testimony for the first time at camp :) Drank lemonade :) Ate more in a week than I did in the entire month of May :D Best year of girl's camp ever. Only downside to camp: I had that stupid "TONIGHT TONIGHT THERES A PARTY ON THE ROOFTOP TOPATHE WORLD TONIGHT" song stuck in my head the  entire. Week. But. Did not deteriorate from the awesomeness of camp :) Holy crow, I just realized that I'm starving. Gonna make me a mandy sandwich :) Bye :D

Saturday, June 18, 2011

This has been a weird day.

I'm writing a song. 
Can you believe it?? I wrote up the entirety of the lyrics and I have a good idea about the tune. This is great. :) I feel better. That last post is just a disaster area, don't read it again. Unless you don't mind disasters. But now I have all that disaster out of me, and I feel better. 

I think I'll post the lyrics now. I don't really know how to go gracefully into them from here... oh well. 

by sabrina. 

Oh, this day
Sighing underneath the floorboards
I stray
From the people I know best
And always
Feeling like an empty ocean
For you to float in

I am the waves
I stray

Too much to care about
Too much I want to say to you
Always being like the one you think you’re running to
Ricochet off my head all over again
Tasting a little sweetness every now and then

Oh, this day
Hiding like lacy foxes
In the snow
From the color of the world
To this day
I re-read the notes you leave me
Nod slowly each time

I am the waves
I stray

Too much to care about
Too much I want to say to you
Always being like the one you think you’re running to
Ricochet off my head all over again
Tasting a little sweetness every now and then

Stop confessing
I don’t want to hear it anymore
It’s all right; you feel the way I’ve felt before
You’re feeling what I felt before
Feeling what I felt before
Feeling what I felt before
Feeling what I felt before

Too much to care about
Too much I want to say to you
Always being like the one you think you’re running to
Ricochet off my head all over again
Tasting a little sweetness every now and then
Keep my smile warm for you; I have before

I am the waves
I stray

I shall now ramble on while you have no idea what I'm talking about.

My brain is a mess.
I'm just going to let it all out.
And when I do this I usually make things bigger than they really are in order to explain how I feel. Which is stupid. Anyway. Just a heads up.
I am always second guessing my thoughts and feelings. Just in case I'm wrong. And it makes me very confused and then I confuse other people... it sucks.
And then other times. My mind is completely blank. It's like I can't THINK enough. Like someone put my thinker on pause and I can't find the remote. I say, Sabrina time to think about THIS now, you need to make a decision. 
And nothing happens.
This is not the case with every-day things, like making toast cause I don't really have to think for that. I'm not stupid. But just for more PROMINENT issues and things OTHER people want me to think about. Then I can't decide. Because first I consider what THEY would want me to think, then I have to figure out what I ACTUALLY THINK. That's the hard part. Because sometimes, I convince my brain to think what other people want me to think. Then I end up tricking myself, and I think that what I've convinced my brain to think it what I ACTUALLY THINK. Thats why it's so hard. Make sense? Kinda? No? I understand. Well. If your brain hasn't already choked from being so overloaded. Then I'd like to address another issue.
It is this: I feel alone.
Lately a friend and I have been growing apart. Which makes me extremely sad. Because I have known her since 1st grade and we have always been best friends. But now, we have nothing in common anymore. Our opinions are so different now. We used agree on everything, now we agree on almost nothing. I don't like her music, she doesn't like mine, we don't appreciate the same things, we never want to do the same things, I want to hang out with people she doesn't want to hang out with, I feel like she doesn't want to hang out with me, I feel pushy, I feel unwanted, I feel like I'm mean, I feel stupid, I feel alone, I feel judged all the time, I.. I dunno.
I could be wrong.
But right now, this is how I feel in this moment. Actually, I have felt this way for a while now. And it blows.
And guess what?
All this totally blew over last night. I heard everyone having fun without me from my window and it was like PANG she doesn't need me. I broke down. I almost cried, for pete's sake. Which is stupid. JEEZ, she's allowed to have fun without me, her world doesn't revolve around Sabrina Maxwell. But all the sudden I was.. really sad. Like REALLY sad. Like sad enough to tell other people that I'm sad. That usually doesn't happen. And it was stupid. Cause I told Cameron. Then I couldn't explain why I was sad. I dunno why I'm saying all this. I should probably stop typing now. I just need someone to talk to I guess. :P
Holy crow.
This is long.
I should stop.

This picture says the thousand words I don't say.

Friday, June 17, 2011

I don't know what to do with myself.

Hi. I'm Sabrina. And I can't get organized. I hate packing. That's why I'm doing this.. And not packing. You know what sucks (besides packing)? I haven't had a good vivid dream in a looong time. Talking with Cameron about dreams today made me realize this. It makes me pretty sad, really. It's like I can't sleep well enough or hard enough. I wake up and feel like I should still be drifting deeper into sleep. It's like my head is the ocean, and the longer I sleep, the deeper I sink and at the bottom is where all the dreams are. And when I wake up, suddenly I'm at the surface again, and I have to start all over. I always wake up becore I can get to the bottom lately. Maybe it's my new room and I'm just not used to it yet. Or maybe it's the fact that I want to sleep so badly. But I got pretty deep last night for some reason. Maybe cause I was so content. Yesterday was the best day of summer so far. Fell asleep pretty happy, I guess. Anyway, I gotta finish packing before tomorrow morning. Glad I blogged. Bye.

Thursday, June 9, 2011

I found my capo.

Before now, I couldn't sing a certain song on the ukulele because it was too low. But I found my capo. Now I am more capo-ble :D
Anyway, I am kinda forcing myself to post this right now. It's scary. I'm making myself to do this, because Brother Shamy says, "You can do hard things." And this, my friends, is a hard thing. 


This is my head right now:
Why am I doing this?
Because I can.
But I don't have to...
I know, but I need to.
Because I need to be brave.
Because brave is a good thing to be, I guess.
So I'm really gonna do it? Click "PUBLISH POST"? Right now?

(Just a heads up, you should skip the end because it's plain stupid. I can't sing that low. Hah. But if the capo were any higher on the fretboard the uke would sound lame and kind of annoying. I mean a uke is high pitched enough with out the capo. So yeah. Anywho. Here is First Day of My Life by Bright Eyes on the ukulele. Sorry bout all the mistakes. I hope I don't ruin the song for you.) 

Monday, June 6, 2011

The Applicability of Music.

I have no idea how this happens 
All my maps have been overthrown 
Happenstance has changed my plans 
So many times 
My heart has been outgrown  

You Are My Face - Wilco  
Exactly how I have been feeling. Exactly.
Wilco is just speaking my mind today.

Sunday, June 5, 2011

History has been made. Like 9 times. Maybe more.

3 words.
Nitro Circus Live.
Thee most amazing thing I have ever seen in my life. 
It was so dang fun. I screamed so loud and laughed so hard and smiled so big. I don't think I stopped smiling the entire time.  


Happened. For the first time in history, and I was there. 

Only 3 people (in the whole universe) have ever landed an FMX double backflip, and these two wonderful people did it SIMULTANEOUSLY and landed it PERFECTLY. You know the odds of that?? Travis Pastrana and Cam Sinclair, I commend you. 

I could honestly go on about the show all night, but I need to go to bed.
Man, I am one happy duck.

Thursday, June 2, 2011

"I'm gonna blog something happy."

Were my exact words to Cameron Raburn this afternoon.
So here we go...

Let's see.. lists make me happy.. and I like cute things. So I'll make a list of cute things. :) Sound good?

- OJ (the bunny)
- Cameron (the kid)
- Baby deer
- Foxes
(A lot of these will be animals, by the way.)
- Turtles
- Macaroni noodles (I dunno why, they just are.)
- Baby hedgehogs (Have you ever seen one of those things?? I could just die.)
- Hugs
- When Kresten says "You guys are so CUTE."
- This emoticon:   :3
- And this one:   ;)   (not when used creepily and/or frequently)
- When people give/make me CD's
- Oscar (the dinosaur)
- Smiles
- When Shawn tries to tell Juliet he loves her when he thinks she's about to die
- When people hold hands the old way, not the new way.
- The little kids I babysit
- Stickers
- Kittens
this. (Jim and Pam)
- Saying "good morning" and "good night"
- Ukuleles
- Sitting on the same piano bench
- Mustaches (on certain people)
- Bein' cozy/ cuddly
- Ugly couches (they are usually the coziest, therefore good for cuddling and watching movies.)
- Confessions
- Ducklings
- This! --> ♪♫ 
- Freckles
- Blogging
- Using songs/ lyrics to say things
- Using Scrabble to say things
- Shyness
- Bloo (on Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends)
- Whinnie the Pooh
- Bird nests with tiny eggs in them
- Tennis outfits
- Being in love
- Getting ice cream
- Panda Bears
- Crayon drawings
- Visiting someone who is sick and lonely
- Big eyes
- Panda bears
- Serendipity
- Old people
- When Tanner apologises (and then gives you a hug. Cause hugs are cute, huh.)
- Marbles
- Smurfette
- When your freckles make a constellation
- When you notice something cute and you don't tell anyone. You just keep it to yourself. Unlike this list.
- Laughing in a heap on the floor
- Campfires and marshmallows
- Adventures
- Saving someone you love from certain death!
- Getting married in the temple
- Kites
- Kittens. (This deserves to be put again, I think. Twice is good.)
- Kittens. (Nay, thrice.)
- Ducky bathrobes with matching slippers (LIKE I WISH I HAD)
- Trading secrets
- Making friendship bracelets
- Paint fights
- Tracing things
- Finding a heart shaped rock
- Rain (dancing in, sitting in, kissing in, jumping in, whatever. Cute things happen in the rain.)
- Great. Big. Hugs.
- When someone is happy to see you, and you them.
- Tinier things (Imagine an elephant the size of your fist. Cute, right?)
- Very Close Talking (see the bounty hunters episode of Psych)
- Playing with little kids
- Swinging
- Record players
- Stick-on earrings

What the crow. I just realized how long I'm making this list. I'm going to stop here, if you don't mind.