:)

I feel like my old self again. Old friends, old routines, old music... I'm loving the familiarity that is my life right now. Don't get me wrong. I love change and without it life would be boring and whatnot and so-on. I've learned quite a lot from the events that took me by surprise and made me think outside of my little happy bubble. But I needed this. Not saying that I'm back in the "happy bubble".  I just needed to be slightly less heartbroken. And a heck of a lot stronger in the gospel. So I have been making goals and plans like I used to, and I'm spending way more time with my family. I've been thinking for myself and writing and drawing. I'm choosing to enjoying life. The people I wanted so badly to be happy are, and I am too. I really hoped it would turn out this way. I shall now...
1. BEG my mom to un-block Grooveshark (again)
2. Experience extreme withdrawal symptoms (foaming at the mouth, refusing food for days on end, etc.) when she says no.
3. Get in my PJ's (pajamas means you're going to bed, PJ's means you're staying up)
4. Brush ma teeth
3. Finish chemistry (gag me with a spoon)
4. Read my scriptures
5. Say my prayers
6. Go to bed. Ish.

(PS, that was A List of Things I Shall Now Do)

I like fall break.

I got an idea for a song while drying my hair. So I ran to the computer (hair still damp) and started typing. Then the ideas just keep coming and coming, and before I knew it, I had these lyrics on my screen. Lots of pent up creative energy has to come out sometime, I guess. I've been so busy with school and whatnot that I haven't done anything like this in a while. Felt great. :) Here are the lyrics:

You cut my hair in the foreboding pre-dawn

And in the dimness, I looked at the ground

The snip and slice of scissors laced my neck

Thought to myself, “I’ll have to wear scarves now”

You shaped my soul in the feathery white trees

And my lungs were altered in alien ways

You sank in freezing water, and took me with you

Now this heaving cold won’t go away

It’s too early to be up this late

And I can’t, no I can’t swallow

Cough and wheeze my heart out

I cough and wheeze my heart out

I’ve got this sickness 

That I can’t sleep through

You bumped the snow in the bright white midnight

And came knocking at my door too late

Tried the knob, but it had frozen over

It said... “Too early to be up this late."

The sun’s too bright

For my indoor eyes

And the snow’s so bright, it could melt

Yeah, the moon’s so bright

In my pale blue eyes

Yeah, the snow’s so bright

Don’t fall in!

Cause you’ll put angels on the ground

It’s too early to be up this late

And I can’t, no I can’t swallow

Cough and wheeze my heart out

I cough and wheeze my heart out

I’ve got this sickness 

That I can’t sleep through

YAWN

I'm tired. I've been up doing homework for a while. But I just like getting it done well. Making it look good. You know. For health, I had to write a children's book about healthy living. And man, is it cute! Can't wait until we get to read them to the little kids in the daycare center. :) But I just need to go to bed now. UGH jk I have to finish that chemistry project. Do you have any idea how much I do not care about ATOMS? I seriously do not give a french toast. But whatever. Gotta learn stuff. So I can go to collage. And help my poor kids with THEIR homework. Hah.. I should stop typing now. Because I want to say a LOT of things. A LOT. And I would type into the wee hours of the morning if I could. But alas. Homework. Ugh. Bye.

PS, I can't wait for the future. My future. I'm so excited. I want to do so many things.

Today was kind of really awesome...

I was at school from 7 o' clock in the morning to 11:30 PM.
I AM SO FREAKING TIRED.
But I had a lot of fun today. Felt like myself. AAAAAND we won our game. Hallelujah. I am going to pass out on my bed now. Night.

PS, here is me and my best friend. This is the fun we had today. Stuff. The end.

I am a fantastic list maker.

I love being a Miamaid... I almost never want to turn 16 ever. Laurels seems kind of.. boringish. But of course I'm gonna turn 16. But anyway.
Today in our Miamaid lesson, we each made a list of qualities we want our future husband to have.
Now I love lists as you might know. And so I was thrilled.
I have even done this activity before in young women's, and had never really been that excited about it. But this time, in like 20 minutes, I had over 40 things on my list.
I usually am not like that.. it takes me a while to think of things like that on the spot.
(Which is part of the reason why The Cute List is still under construction. That and my laziness.) But I guess this list was an easy one.
Maybe I'll post the List of Qualities of My Awesome Future Husband later. But right now my mother is cooking bacon. I can tell, because the house suddenly smells awesome. This is a rarity, so I am going to dash down the stairs now and dance around the kitchen. While eating bacon. ...Bye.

Megan.

"Don't put my name on the Internet, it's dangerous."
"No, I am not even kidding."
"I suspect kyleigh.."
"Hehe I'll tell you when you're 50 hehe"
"Ssssssssss"
"Ssssssssssab."
"Are you gonna wright that down, huh?"
"Dad said that I sound like a walrus... Or a seal..."
"Ssssssssssunny."
"My earrs arre pieeeerrced"
"...It's a t."
"I like the white hairs on my arms.. They make me look tanner."
"Heeheehee Tanner. Toupe."
"Want me to iron your pants?"
"Ssssssssssabbyrina."
"Nooowuh!"

Now you know what a silly little girl my sister is.

Boredom.

I have never been so bored in my whole young life. I have nothing to do, no where to go, no one to talk to, nothing to see... Feels that way at least. So to entertain myself, I will make a list of things in my view at the present time.

A LIST OF THINGS IN MY VIEW AT THE PRESENT TIME
-my blinds
-a bug on my blinds
-a dead bug on my blinds
-a red crayon mark on the wall
-mirror on the floor
-note from Karly on the floor
-tiny tv. Also on the floor.
-space themed stencils.. Let's just assume everything in my room is on the floor.
-Beach Boys CD
-CD player
-radio
-an abused and pathetic looking calculator
-gigantic crayon full of change
-That Thing You Do tape
-You've Got Mail tape
-purple barbie tutu... Jami was here.
-ducky bathrobe
-favorite sweater
-new favorite sweater
-my still packed suitcase.. I should take care of that
-a teeny little piece of paper on which I wrote "The sort of person the prisoner became was a result of an inner decision, and not the result of camp influences alone."
Hm. Must be a quote from Man's Search for Meaning.
-The Book Thief
-crayola glow station
-my open journal ..(closes journal)
-a blue ceramic strawberry
-a rock painted to look like a space nebula
.. Maybe I should clean my room. Haha. See ya.

"This is bad news bears." -Amanda the Hilarious

I got some good news, and some bad news.
Bad news is I have to pee and we won't see a gas station on this road for another 2 hours. :( Good news is, I'm headed home! :D
Hey, more good news: My burns are getting better. They are still hurting and I look stupid, but frankly, I don't care anymore. I am just one happy duck who has a new-found love for The Beach Boys and a corndog in her tummy. It is impossible to be unhappy now, I swear. Life is good.

The end.

Calfilornya.

Hey. It's 11:21, here in Oceanside, California. And today was one of the most stupid days of my life. I got me some really bad sunburn.
And lemme tell ya.
I will never forget sunblock again as long as I live. Haha. All my cousins are staying on the beach with us and we were boogie boarding all day. I love being in the sun all day. Minus the repercussions where you sit in bed with 2nd degree burns while everyone else is at Universal Studios. :( It hurts so much. I can't sleep without pills. I usually don't succomb to pain relievers, but I just want to sleep so badly. Pain, pain, stupid pain. You are stupid and I don't like you.
But I got to eat pickles in bed all day, so that's a plus.
Well, just thought I would blog a bit before I tried sleeping. Man I'm tired. And I like being ungrounded. And I like pickles. And I like someone. And yeah. Life. Night.

The Difference One Can Make

Feelin pretty dang good. :) Today Karly and Aubrey and I listened to this LDS CD called The Difference One Can Make. Probably thee freaking most inspirational talk I have ever listened to in my whole young life. It was about this guy named Kent Williams who was just an amazing kid. I mean.. I don't know how to convey his story to you in a way that would be as awesome as I heard it and I don't think I ever could. You'll just have to listen to it and hopefully you'll get what I got out of it. Man, this kid is just my HERO. I am determined to do better and be better in pretty much every aspect of my life. Especially journal writing. K, JUST listen to the CD. Do it. For real.
PS, If you didn't already know: I love this church, I love my ward, I love my friends, I love my teachers, I love my parents, I love the prophets, I love Heavenly Father and Jesus, I love the scriptures, I love the Personal Progress program, man I just love LIFE. I mean it, all of it.

Cherry Lemonade.

I have never actually had it. But since it's lemonade, I'm confident that it's fantastic. I'm pretty sure that lemonade is more necessary to my body than water is. It's all I drink in the summer, which I realize probably isn't a good thing. But hey, I'm happy. I'm very happy, in fact. I got stuck in a rut for a while there, but now I have a life, feels like. Went to an open tennis practice at the high school today, and I LOVED it. I feel like I'm progressing in something for once. I feel great since I started back up on tennis. Man, I'm excited for.. I dunno, the rest of the summer. Life's a bowl a' cherries. :D Welp, Cameron's gotta read this before bed. So I gotta stop here. Night.

"Make happy choices." - My Mother.

So I turned on the radio. KOHS-FM, to be exact. Only radio station I will listen to. And this song by Two Door Cinema Club played and it went like this..

Let's make this happen, girl
You gonna show the world that something good can work
and it can work for you
And you know that it will

Made me the happiest I've been all day. I was seriously grinning from ear to ear when I heard these lyrics. And it just made me feel like I could do anything, like my little braid did. And I decided that I need to BE happy. I can make it happen; something good will work. :)

Tee-Hee.

"Surely you don't expect me to believe this is your first time cooking?"
"It's not."
"I KNEW IT!"
"It's my second, third, fourth, fifth time. Monday was my first time." 

I LOVE SUMMER.

I decided to go on a bike ride.
It didn't go as planned. Nothing I ever do really goes as planned, so I usually don't plan things. But it didn't go as planned in a good way.
Turns out my bike got hung up in the garage. Usually I would just get it down, only the van was underneath it so I couldn't. So I took my satchel and a cherry popsicle, and went on a walk. I had a little friend tag along :D My little 5 year old next door neighbor Haley said hi and began to follow me. We walked together and talked for a while. I asked her questions, and she answered them hilariously :) She is the funniest little thing. I felt like I was just walking around with a friend, it was weird. When I told her I was 10 years older than her, she was amazed. So was I, in fact. I felt really old. Hah. We sat on some swings and shared my goldfish crackers, then she had to go home.

I decided that I needed a friend my age :) So I went and got Karly.
We hung out just us two all night, which hadn't happened it a while and it was so. Fun. We sat and talked in the church parking lot which was HILARIOUS. Sat in a patch of clover. Played that "he loves me, he loves me not." Game with some flowers. Made up some chemicals like "Bloraphyll". We tend to make each other laugh a lot.

Then we went to her house and sat on the porch so we could see the fireworks better. Then we went upstairs and sat on the roof so we could see the fireworks even BETTER. :) It was some good times.

I gotta go get ready for CHARCH.
 Bye :)



          

It is a BEAUTIFUL day.

PLANS

Step 1: Take my CD player, my book, and my journal. Maybe a snack.

Step 2: Put them in my Satchel. (or Adventure Bag. I say whichever fits my mood.)

Step 3: Ride my bike somewhere, preferably to the edge of the neighborhood. Like where the sidewalk ends, The Tree, or the old train tracks.

Step 4: Find a shady spot with a view.

Step 5: Do whatever I want to do and enjoy doing it.

I put a teeny little braid in my hair.

Hi. So. I sang for people yesterday. Thank heaven I didn't throw up, cause I certainly felt like it. Not eating yet that day probably had something to do with it too, but I was just NERVOUS. But I did it! :D It was like being in some hipster's polyvore set, sitting around the fire with our instruments and chocolate marshmallows.
I have a new artist to my favorites list, BTW. Named Gavin. That kid can sing a dang song. But anywho. What I really wanted to say was that I put a teeny little braid in my hair. And I mean it when I say teeny. It is very small. It just sits on the right side of my head and gives me this weird sort of confidence. I dunno why, but it just kinda does. Maybe it's some stupid girl thing.
Stupid Girl Thing #1: Just stick something unique in your hair, and you can conquer the world, sister.
Stupid Girl Thing #2: Do. Not. Eat.
Stupid Girl Thing #3: Stay up until 12:58 am blogging about your problems, it's a very good idea.
Stupid Girl Thing #4: Watch That Thing You Do! Twice in a row while folding socks and eating potato pancakes, for it is quite enjoyable. (no sarcasm this time)

You know what, I am going to read my scriptures and say my prayers and lay in bed. I dunno about sleeping. But good night. Don't do drugs. Stay in school. Tell people you love them. And all that jazz.

Hola. Hello. No, you say hola. ..Hola.

Hola. Um. I just don't know what do to with myself. I kinda just want to go back to girl's camp and stay there forever. But at the same time I would get sick of that really fast. Just alsksa;dfj. Conflicted. Jealous. Sort of. I guess. At all. Really. Why am I still typing. I dunno. I just. Bleh. I can't talk. AKLDF;ADSK ...it's not the same in all caps. 


Intercom: *Attention bloggers; Please remember that the explanation of this blog is "a blog in which I ATTEMPT to explain myself." Thank you. And have a nice day*

Oh hey, I got sumfin ta tell ya.

So tomorrow I'm gonna sing for real people in real life! I am going to make myself do it. I am pretty FLIPEENG excited. But I'm scared. I have butterflies. Hah it's not even time to do it yet, and I have them. I'm gonna be shaking and stuff. I don't sound good when I'm shaky and scared, I've done it before. But I don't really care anymore.

Some wise words:

"Suck it up." -Sharona from Monk
"Be a man!" -Bro. Shamy from Seminary
"Be a man!" - only it's Shang from Mulan who said sang it that time.
"Don't be ridiculous." - Balky from Perfect Strangers

as;dlkfja;lskdjfboredasdfja;lOh yeah, I was going to go to Karly's house. Bye.

She has hair like a boy but she's a girl = Karly.

I am smiling.

My heart is just so darn fulla love right now :) I've been at Girls Camps all week and it is exactly what I needed :) I have 44 friends now, Some old, some new :) And I'm sorry if it's bothering you that I'm putting a smile in stead of a period at the end of each sentence :) But I am so happy :) Bore my testimony for the first time at camp :) Drank lemonade :) Ate more in a week than I did in the entire month of May :D Best year of girl's camp ever. Only downside to camp: I had that stupid "TONIGHT TONIGHT THERES A PARTY ON THE ROOFTOP TOPATHE WORLD TONIGHT" song stuck in my head the  entire. Week. But. Did not deteriorate from the awesomeness of camp :) Holy crow, I just realized that I'm starving. Gonna make me a mandy sandwich :) Bye :D

This has been a weird day.

I'm writing a song. 

Can you believe it?? I wrote up the entirety of the lyrics and I have a good idea about the tune. This is great. :) I feel better. That last post is just a disaster area, don't read it again. Unless you don't mind disasters. But now I have all that disaster out of me, and I feel better. 

I think I'll post the lyrics now. I don't really know how to go gracefully into them from here... oh well. 

-I AM THE WAVES-

by sabrina. 

Oh, this day

Sighing underneath the floorboards

I stray

From the people I know best

And always

Feeling like an empty ocean

For you to float in

I am the waves

I stray

Too much to care about

Too much I want to say to you

Always being like the one you think you’re running to

Ricochet off my head all over again

Tasting a little sweetness every now and then

Oh, this day

Hiding like lacy foxes

In the snow

From the color of the world

To this day

I re-read the notes you leave me

Nod slowly each time

I am the waves

I stray

Too much to care about

Too much I want to say to you

Always being like the one you think you’re running to

Ricochet off my head all over again

Tasting a little sweetness every now and then

Stop confessing

I don’t want to hear it anymore

It’s all right; you feel the way I’ve felt before

You’re feeling what I felt before

Feeling what I felt before

Feeling what I felt before

Feeling what I felt before

Too much to care about

Too much I want to say to you

Always being like the one you think you’re running to

Ricochet off my head all over again

Tasting a little sweetness every now and then

Keep my smile warm for you; I have before

I am the waves

I stray

I shall now ramble on while you have no idea what I'm talking about.

My brain is a mess.
I'm just going to let it all out.
And when I do this I usually make things bigger than they really are in order to explain how I feel. Which is stupid. Anyway. Just a heads up.
Now:
I am always second guessing my thoughts and feelings. Just in case I'm wrong. And it makes me very confused and then I confuse other people... it sucks.
And then other times. My mind is completely blank. It's like I can't THINK enough. Like someone put my thinker on pause and I can't find the remote. I say, Sabrina time to think about THIS now, you need to make a decision. 
And nothing happens.
This is not the case with every-day things, like making toast cause I don't really have to think for that. I'm not stupid. But just for more PROMINENT issues and things OTHER people want me to think about. Then I can't decide. Because first I consider what THEY would want me to think, then I have to figure out what I ACTUALLY THINK. That's the hard part. Because sometimes, I convince my brain to think what other people want me to think. Then I end up tricking myself, and I think that what I've convinced my brain to think it what I ACTUALLY THINK. Thats why it's so hard. Make sense? Kinda? No? I understand. Well. If your brain hasn't already choked from being so overloaded. Then I'd like to address another issue.
It is this: I feel alone.
Lately a friend and I have been growing apart. Which makes me extremely sad. Because I have known her since 1st grade and we have always been best friends. But now, we have nothing in common anymore. Our opinions are so different now. We used agree on everything, now we agree on almost nothing. I don't like her music, she doesn't like mine, we don't appreciate the same things, we never want to do the same things, I want to hang out with people she doesn't want to hang out with, I feel like she doesn't want to hang out with me, I feel pushy, I feel unwanted, I feel like I'm mean, I feel stupid, I feel alone, I feel judged all the time, I.. I dunno.
I could be wrong.
But right now, this is how I feel in this moment. Actually, I have felt this way for a while now. And it blows.
And guess what?
All this totally blew over last night. I heard everyone having fun without me from my window and it was like PANG she doesn't need me. I broke down. I almost cried, for pete's sake. Which is stupid. JEEZ, she's allowed to have fun without me, her world doesn't revolve around Sabrina Maxwell. But all the sudden I was.. really sad. Like REALLY sad. Like sad enough to tell other people that I'm sad. That usually doesn't happen. And it was stupid. Cause I told Cameron. Then I couldn't explain why I was sad. I dunno why I'm saying all this. I should probably stop typing now. I just need someone to talk to I guess. :P
Holy crow.
This is long.
I should stop.

This picture says the thousand words I don't say.

Lovely Wolves and Falling Birds (clipped to polyvore.com)

I don't know what to do with myself.

Hi. I'm Sabrina. And I can't get organized. I hate packing. That's why I'm doing this.. And not packing. You know what sucks (besides packing)? I haven't had a good vivid dream in a looong time. Talking with Cameron about dreams today made me realize this. It makes me pretty sad, really. It's like I can't sleep well enough or hard enough. I wake up and feel like I should still be drifting deeper into sleep. It's like my head is the ocean, and the longer I sleep, the deeper I sink and at the bottom is where all the dreams are. And when I wake up, suddenly I'm at the surface again, and I have to start all over. I always wake up becore I can get to the bottom lately. Maybe it's my new room and I'm just not used to it yet. Or maybe it's the fact that I want to sleep so badly. But I got pretty deep last night for some reason. Maybe cause I was so content. Yesterday was the best day of summer so far. Fell asleep pretty happy, I guess. Anyway, I gotta finish packing before tomorrow morning. Glad I blogged. Bye.

I found my capo.

Before now, I couldn't sing a certain song on the ukulele because it was too low. But I found my capo. Now I am more capo-ble :D
Anyway, I am kinda forcing myself to post this right now. It's scary. I'm making myself to do this, because Brother Shamy says, "You can do hard things." And this, my friends, is a hard thing. 

akjsfjasl;kfsdklfja;lskdfj.

This is my head right now:

Why am I doing this?

Because I can.

But I don't have to...

I know, but I need to.

Why?

Because I need to be brave.

Why??

Because brave is a good thing to be, I guess.

So I'm really gonna do it? Click "PUBLISH POST"? Right now?

Yup. 

Dang.

(Just a heads up, you should skip the end because it's plain stupid. I can't sing that low. Hah. But if the capo were any higher on the fretboard the uke would sound lame and kind of annoying. I mean a uke is high pitched enough with out the capo. So yeah. Anywho. Here is First Day of My Life by Bright Eyes on the ukulele. Sorry bout all the mistakes. I hope I don't ruin the song for you.) 

The Applicability of Music.

I have no idea how this happens 
All my maps have been overthrown 
Happenstance has changed my plans 
So many times 
My heart has been outgrown  


You Are My Face - Wilco  
Exactly how I have been feeling. Exactly.
Wilco is just speaking my mind today.

History has been made. Like 9 times. Maybe more.

3 words.

Nitro Circus Live.

Thee most amazing thing I have ever seen in my life. 

It was so dang fun. I screamed so loud and laughed so hard and smiled so big. I don't think I stopped smiling the entire time.  

And this. THIS BEAUTIFUL THING. 

Happened. For the first time in history, and I was there. 

Only 3 people (in the whole universe) have ever landed an FMX double backflip, and these two wonderful people did it SIMULTANEOUSLY and landed it PERFECTLY. You know the odds of that?? Travis Pastrana and Cam Sinclair, I commend you. 

I could honestly go on about the show all night, but I need to go to bed.

Man, I am one happy duck.

http://nitrocircuslive.com

"I'm gonna blog something happy."

Were my exact words to Cameron Raburn this afternoon.
So here we go...

Let's see.. lists make me happy.. and I like cute things. So I'll make a list of cute things. :) Sound good?

A LIST OF CUTE THINGS
- OJ (the bunny)
- Cameron (the kid)
- Baby deer
- Foxes
(A lot of these will be animals, by the way.)
- Turtles
- Macaroni noodles (I dunno why, they just are.)
- Baby hedgehogs (Have you ever seen one of those things?? I could just die.)
- Hugs
- When Kresten says "You guys are so CUTE."
- This emoticon:   :3
- And this one:   ;)   (not when used creepily and/or frequently)
- When people give/make me CD's
- Oscar (the dinosaur)
- Smiles
- When Shawn tries to tell Juliet he loves her when he thinks she's about to die
- When people hold hands the old way, not the new way.
- The little kids I babysit
- Stickers
- Kittens
- this. (Jim and Pam)
- Saying "good morning" and "good night"
- Ukuleles
- Sitting on the same piano bench
- Mustaches (on certain people)
- Bein' cozy/ cuddly
- Ugly couches (they are usually the coziest, therefore good for cuddling and watching movies.)
- Confessions
- Ducklings
- This! --> ♪♫ 
- Freckles
- Blogging
- Using songs/ lyrics to say things
- Using Scrabble to say things
- Shyness
- Bloo (on Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends)
- Whinnie the Pooh
- Bird nests with tiny eggs in them
- Tennis outfits
- Being in love
- Getting ice cream
- Panda Bears
- Crayon drawings
- Visiting someone who is sick and lonely
- Big eyes
- Panda bears
- Serendipity
- Old people
- When Tanner apologises (and then gives you a hug. Cause hugs are cute, huh.)
- Marbles
- Smurfette
- When your freckles make a constellation
- When you notice something cute and you don't tell anyone. You just keep it to yourself. Unlike this list.
- Laughing in a heap on the floor
- Campfires and marshmallows
- Adventures
- Saving someone you love from certain death!
- Getting married in the temple
- Kites
- Kittens. (This deserves to be put again, I think. Twice is good.)
- Kittens. (Nay, thrice.)
- Ducky bathrobes with matching slippers (LIKE I WISH I HAD)
- Trading secrets
- Making friendship bracelets
- Paint fights
- Tracing things
- Finding a heart shaped rock
- Rain (dancing in, sitting in, kissing in, jumping in, whatever. Cute things happen in the rain.)
- Great. Big. Hugs.
- When someone is happy to see you, and you them.
- Tinier things (Imagine an elephant the size of your fist. Cute, right?)
- Very Close Talking (see the bounty hunters episode of Psych)
- Playing with little kids
- Swinging
- Record players
- Stick-on earrings


What the crow. I just realized how long I'm making this list. I'm going to stop here, if you don't mind.

Cute.

Why.
Are.
People.
So.
Cute.

I have an appointment for 3:20.

My mom made me an appointment with my doctor today. I kind of really hate the doctor's.. I just don't like people pushing and poking and shoving things down my throat, in my ears, in my left arm... Just a fear of mine, doctor visits. Same with the dentist. It's kinda childish, but whatever.
At the same time, I am kind of relieved because I finally get to figure out what's wrong with me. My body has been all whack lately. I threw up at school like four times today.. It was not fun. And I have felt nauseated for like a week now. I just want to know what's up. Today probably would have been an awesome day at school if I hadn't felt like dying. I haven't had fun at school for a long time. But my friends sure do make me smile a lot. :) I love you guys. It means a lot to me when you ask if I'm okay and try and make me laugh. I'm pretty darn lucky to have such great friends.

It's late...

I don't know why I'm on the computer at 11:00 pm. I have no reason. I just don't feel like going to bed, I guess.
There is a lot on my mind.
But I'm too lazy to type it all up. Hah.
But I wanna write something...
OK, here is a piece of my brain right now:
I'm kinda hurt. When I told my friend that a kid and I like eachother, the very first thing she says is "DON'T GO OUT WITH HIM." Duh, I'm not stupid... I know my standards and I intend to keep them... It's sort of insulting that she thinks I would do that. Sheesh.
Am I really that suspicious to her? It makes me sad.

I've been thinking.

I was staring out the window when a thought occured to me: I could die tomorrow. It's not that I plan on doing anything dangerous, it's just anything could happen. I don't know where the thought came from, but I just guess one kind of led to another. I have actually had this thought before, about death. But today I felt like if I died tomorrow, it would be okay, you know? Death isn't really a bad thing, if you think about it.

The socks I am currently wearing.

The socks I am currently wearing are black. Boring old black ankle socks. But you know what they remind me of? A memory: In 7th grade, I sat next to Daxton Starkey in health. I remember one day he leaned over to me and whispered all excitedly,
 "Sabrina! Guess what!"
"What?"
"I'm wearing my church socks!"
and he lifted up his pants a little bit so I could see his black church socks. He thought he was a rebel. I thought it was hilarious. Now I can't see or wear black socks without thinking of this little moment in time and smiling to myself. I love how things can connect like that.

My fingernails are bright orange.

Life is awesome. I guess I needed some stupid times to realize how good my life really is. I have the greatest friends, the greatest family... dang, life is good.

Things that made today great: (I like lists)

- First thing I did this morning was sit on the roof with some pineapple, listening to Local Natives on my CD player. The sun was shining and the trees were green and I felt super super happy :) I love the roof, you can see just everything. 

- My nails are painted bright orange. I feel like I have mini traffic cones on my fingertips.

- I hung out with Karly aka the greatest person on the earth. She has a giant (GIANT) teddy bear that I snuggled with. And we had snowcones. In the rain. :D

- I'm wore my "doubt not, fear not" bracelet I got in seminary for lettering. It somehow just made everything more awesome.

- A movie preveiw said "In some of the wildest places on earth..." and Megan said, "Yeah, like The Wild?" I laughed my butt off.

- I wasn't on the computer all day

- Didn't feel sick at all today

- The lady at Cold Stone complimented my shirt. Said it was the coolest shirt she'd ever seen. Thank you, Amanda, for giving it to me for Christmas. It is the most awesome DI shirt ever.

- I took a SUPER long shower. My hair smells awesome.

- Slept in till about 1:00 pm :)

- I got the hiccups

- Found thee sickest most comfortable couch in the world at the DI today. I'm going to go back and buy it. (I love the DI, if you didn't know.)

- Had a banana mango smoothie. Why are smoothies so dang good?

- Saw the stupidest movie ever. It was fun to make fun of later. 

Man, I love today. 

"AWE EHF." -Amanda the Scary

Hi. All my posts are complaints. (Besides the turtle. He's cute. :3)
So I thought I would bring some good news :D
I am drawing a panda. (Which are also cute :3)
An awesome panda.
With my 48 crayons.
I'm using every. Single. Color. In. Thebox.
Even white.
It's going to be awesome.
I'm happy :)

PS, Amanda isn't actually scary. Kresten just thinks she is. Although she will unexpectedly quack in your face. But that's not even scary, that's just funny..

Here It Is.

Hey. I feel kinda bad. 

So I'm blogging about it. 

I don't know why I decided to blog about it, but I guess I need an output. 

Here It Is Part 1: I don't know what to think.

It's like I can't think enough. I can't make descisions, I can't focus, I can't fix things, I don't even feel like coloring... I don't feel like myself lately at all. 

I'm all run-down and tired all the time now, ever since Monday. I threw up at school twice today, I almost cried for no reason, I felt like I was going to pass out, I fell asleep in class for the first time ever, and I never want to eat anymore.. I'm a mess. 

Here It Is Part 2: I hate eating now. 

Ever since Monday, I hate eating. I wish I didn't have to do it, and I know how ungrateful that sounds, but I just don't feel good after I eat. Nothing tastes good, not even Fruit Roll-Ups, and those are my favorite. I just want to get better.

Here It Is Part 3: I need some fun.

Summer is almost here and it's the end of the school year and usually I would be having the time of my life. But I'm stuck in bed with my stomach killing me, exerting all my energy to not throwing up. Which is not fun. I need my friends, I need some games, and I need to be doing anything but lay here.

Here It Is Part 4: Number 15.

He makes me smile when I'm sad. (Even if he doesn't know I'm sad. Or that I've smiled.)

Here it is Part 5: A kid.

There is this kid (hence, the title). He's funny, and he makes me smile (hence, Here It Is Part 4). I think he might like me (hence, his blog). I don't know what I feel (hence, my blog). We need to hang out more (I can't think of a "hence" for this one).

And therefore, I feel bad. I can't tell him anything cause I'm unsure about everything. Maybe when I'm less sick, I'll be able to think clearly. 

lga;slalksdfj;alskdsklfj. 

kldfja;lksdfjas;dk

aksdfjaklsf;asl

safalksjdfkj

akjsfhak

hasjd

akj

dj

f.

I guess blogging is for people who hold everything in, hm? 

Only thee cutest baby turtle ever...

Pressure.

I'm feeling it, all the way down to my toes.

Let the pointless blogging begin.

My brain < working. That equation makes noooo sense.. I don't think it's even an equation. Anywho.
I feel like being very very very negative right now. Just to be controversial. So here is me, being stupid, confessing most everything.

LIST OF THINGS I HATE
- Rosetta Stone (Congrats, you made top of the list.)
- Lack of sleep (You suck.)
- Being shy at times
- Lack of confidence
- Lack of interest in food (I especially loath you.)
- Lacking things
- Confusion
- Feeling nauseated. (Which is most of the time now. Don't know why. Started Monday, now it won't stop.)
- Parents not trusting me (It's insulting, to be frank.)

 SOB-STORY TIME: 

I went out for a walk one night. Took some Kool-aid, & my journal.. went out the door, it was gorgeous outside. Prayed pretty much the whole time, thanking God for the beautiful world. Over all, a very nice, spiritual, cleansing expirience. But when I got home, I was basically interrogated. 

Sabrina, do you have a boyfriend? 

Haha, no. (Of course I'm gonna smile. Can't help it.) 

That's exactly what Amanda said at your age, with the same look on her face. 

Well, I'm not Amanda, dad. I promise, I was just taking a walk all by myself.

In the dark? 

Yeah, it was really nice outside.
etc.

(I sounded really guilty, and I know it. I'm a good girl, mom and dad, you know that.)

THE END.

LIST OF THINGS I HATE CONTINUED

- Sounding guilty when I'm not. Hah.
- Making my parents sound like bad people... They're not, I promise. They just love me too much.
- Not knowing what to say, or think, or do..
- Feeling lonely at times
- Being told I'm wrong when I already know I am
- Feeling like ;aksdjf;alkdfj;alksfjda;lksdfj. <-- that.
- Overanalyzing things
- This computer
- Bad dreams
- Throwing up
- Crying at the drop of a hat
- Realizing how long this list is getting
- Making my life sound miserable.. The good stuff far outweighs the bad stuff. (I'm being stupid right now, remember?)
- Remembering that Cameron wants to read this... Hi, Cameron.

(Maybe I'll finish later. I'm going to bed.)